FAST AND FURIOUS

Hello One and All:

In one of the Toronto newspapers today there is a story about a young college girl who was forced to perform oral sex by her "lover."   What seems strange about this story is that the young woman continued to see this young man for a month or so after this incident before they finally broke up.   She is now experiencing a great deal of stress about not only sexual behaviors, but about life in general.

To a certain extent one could say that she is suffering from a level of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.   I know that this expression is normally used for combat soldiers but there is a similarity involved in both of these situations.

For the girl who was molested, there is a high level of uncertainty infiltrating her current and future behavior.   For most of her life she heard about the dreamy levels of passion that occurs when one enters into a sexual relationship.  

In her situation, rather than happiness and pleasure she got coercion and the threat of being manually choked if she did not commit to her "lovers" demands.  No wonder she is suffering from uncertainty.

Going back with this young man for another month or so seems to be kind of weird but lets take a deeper look.   First of all the girl is scared for her safety around this guy, so that should mean that she would refuse to ever see him again but it could also mean that he would become even more violent and she does not want to infuriated him further.   

Also at play here could be her desire to experience sexual activity, especially if she has been a virgin up until this moment.  This situation might be best explained by using a favorite expression from the movie called, --- "Cool hand Luke." --- "What we have here is a failure to communicate."   

As we enter the adolescent years, we are motivated to engage in sexual activity by the hormones that are being poured into our bloodstream.   The young man has decided erroneously that the only way that he will be able to satisfy these demands is by using force.

He doesn't want to become a father but he does want to experience the incredible pleasure that awaits him if he engages in sexual activity.  In all probability the young girl doesn't want to gamble on becoming pregnant either but neither of them discuss these ideas that are hidden inside their minds because they would take away from the intended spontaneous nature of sexual activity.

It is as if both of them can say later that we were carried away when in reality it is exactly what they wanted to happen.   The girl, expected the young man to have a condom in his possession but wasn't going to ask such a question because that would make her look like she wanted it to happen on purpose rather than accidentally or by being carried away in the moment.

Who knows what the boy was thinking.  Maybe he really didn't like the girl or wanted the forbidden excitement of oral sex?   Maybe he didn't have a condom on him?   Maybe he realized that he was so excited that he wouldn't even be able to last more than a few seconds inside of the girls birth canal and he didn't want to be made fun of for his premature ejaculation performance?

Maybe a humorous time-out here would be appropriate.  "Our courtship was fast  and furious.  I was fast and she was --- furious!!!    
The bottom line in this situation is that the young man is lucky that he didn't wind up in jail and/or on a sex predator list.  What do you think would be better; talking it out sensibly or winding up in jail???